A New Day

After reading my previous blog, a kind friend politely asked if she could use my blog as her next topic to write about. She offered the support of her friends to me and my family, her gesture was greatly appreciated to say the least. I didn't agree to strictly receive support but rather in hopes of opening at least one person's eyes. As I responded to her question I stated, "I am completely fine with you blogging my blog. It takes a woman to understand a woman, and a mother to understand a mother. I'm not doing this to only receive support but to possibly have an impact on another person's life. In today's madness, people tend to take all they have for granted - healthy children, a roof over their heads, food to put in their mouths, a vehicle to drive, supportive friends and family, and so on. If I can make someone stop and think "Wow, having a bad hair day, smearing my mascara, spilling coffee on my shirt, stepping in a puddle and being stuck in traffic aren't really sufficient situations to whine about... especially when there's someone else out their praying for their unborn child's life. I can't help by feel bad myself when I 'whine' about the situation we're in. I know there's parents out their sitting next to their child in the hospital, watching them fade away as they lay on their death bed. One thing that always helps me through the day is knowing that no matter how bad things get for me, there's ALWAYS someone, somewhere who has it even worse than me...and they're surviving"

My goal had been achieved. The following day, my friend Sarah posted a new blog named The Eye Opener I Needed!! I knew at that moment that I, being one tiny person in this massive world, made an impact! And there's no way for me to explain how great that made me feel!!

Having that said, 24 hours drifted away and Thursday turned into Friday. 
Friday, the day of my preliminary amniocentesis results. I was expecting to receive my results at 3:30. This test is 95% accurate and practically determines weather or not our baby has Trisomy 18. The "F.I.S.H" tests 5 chromosomes that causes 95% of all abnormalities and defects in babies - chromosomes X, Y, 13, 18, and 21. X and Y being the female and male chromosomes, 13th chromosome with defaults causes Trisomy 13, 18th chromosome with defaults causes Trisomy 18, and the 21st chromosome with defaults causes Down Syndrome.

My eyes sprang open at 7:45am like I had never been asleep in the first place. I automatically felt very nervous and edgy. Having Generalized Anxiety Disorder certainly didn't make the situation any easier. Not even a pill could settle my anxiety, it was uncontrollable! I got up and made breakfast for myself and the girls, which I immediately followed by a full clean through of the house, and then baths for both girls. By the time I had finished all of that it was lunch time - Lauren's nap time...Less chaos, less entertaining, more time for my brain to spin out of control. So Brooke and I lid on my bed, watched YTV and done an excessive amount of colouring. Having slept a mere 3 hours the night before, I eventually drifted off into a light sleep for half an hour as Brooke lid next to me, lost in the TV. Suddenly my eyes sprang open, it was 2:30 and the very first thought to run though my head was my amnio results. The following hour was nothing short of agonizing. I got up, had a snack, got Lauren up from her nap, and then there was nothing left to do...but wait. As the girls stormed back and forth the living room like tornadoes in one of their daily hyper fits, I sat on the couch in a trance-like state. I felt unbelievably nauseous and vulnerable, like I was throwing myself at someone Else's feet who was determining my unborn daughter's fate. Having no control HAS TO BE the WORST FEELING EVER! 3:25 came and I couldn't take it anymore, I had to call the Genetic Counsellor (who told me to call her if I hadn't received word by 3:30). The phone rang, and rang, and rang, no answer. My heart sank. Each minute that went by past 3:30, was more and more excrusiating. As each minute past, it became harder for me to breathe, my heart pounded a little faster, my stomach felt a little more nauseous, and I worried just that much more.

FINALLY at 4:15 I received the call from my Genetic Counsellor. I inhaled deeply as my heart skipped a few beats. "I have your preliminary amnio test results back, Mandy, and all 5 chromosomes look fine, which is VERY good news." With that I took a new breathe. The sun shone a little brighter and the snow fell a little more gracefully. At the same time, I do know that we're still not in the clear until my final amnio test results come back in 2-3 weeks time - the full, in depth test of all 46 chromosome. And I know that there's STILL a reason why I had low numbers on my IPS Screening...But I couldn't help but feel like it was a new day, a new chapter in this book called life. I know there's still many more bridges to be crossed during this pregnancy, difficult bridges at that, but I will cross those bridges when they come...because right now is my time to shine.